Jessica Padkin (jessicapadkin) wrote,
Jessica Padkin
jessicapadkin

General Whining

Sorry about this post, it's fluff. I can't be bothered to write this entry in proper English. I just have a few worries I need to get off my chest.

Well, I start a Games Design degree at Huddersfield University in September. Obviously I'm glad to have sorted out a course in something I am deeply passionate but I can't help but fret about certain things.

For starters, I'm terrified about money. I have, oh, £1700 in the bank and a previous uni loan of £2300 or something. I'm unemployed at the moment, but IF I manage to land a job between now and September, I MIGHT just be able to raise enough money to cancel out my debt, leaving me with a grand total of £0 to my name when I start uni. Yeah yeah, I'll have another loan, but I am the type of person that HATES being in debt. It scares the hell out of me.

I'm so angry with myself at the fact that I've been out of university for 3 years and have earned so little. Hell, I haven't worked since November. I should've put more effort into getting another job, but... eh. The days just seem to fly by, and I find it hard enough to find the enthusiasm to get out of BED and face life at all some days.

Secondly, I just don't have confidence in my art. My offer at Huddersfield was unconditional, but artwork IS an important part of the course. I've considered doing an Art Foundation course first, but that would mean yet ANOTHER year before I start my course.

Finally... I just can't but feel too damn old. I'm 22, and I have achieved nothing, I have no money to my name, and I'm ONLY JUST starting uni. I know it's daft and, hell, it's probably just another bout of depression and I'll feel better in the morning, but I feel like I've failed already.

Edit: For those who have played KOTOR 2 and desperately thought it should have had a Bao-Dur romance option, look at this (WARNING: you might want to use headphones. The end bit is very... racey):

http://www.sundell.net/~bcowley/baodur.html

I laughed so hard I nearly cried.
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